What Americunts Call Cars

Below is a list of the basic criteria of what makes a car American:

• An engine so inefficient it takes 5.7 liters to produce 290 horsepower, like the Camaro Z28.
• A clandestine interior plastered with tan leather and wood paneling covered with so much lacquer that the act of lighting a cigarette inside would result in an immediate explosion.
• A V8 iron block engine with push rod valves, cuz that's how the future rolls! Oh, and no variable valve timing, either, cuz that's a load of bullshit and nothing is more efficient than a 7 liter engine that generates 120 horsepower at 900 RPM.
• At least 60 cupholders, so you can keep all of your drinks once you come back from a trip to McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's, Sonic, TGI Friday's, Papa John's, Pizza Hut, Denny's, Olive Garden, Dominoes, Long John Silvers, KFC, and Golden Corral.
• Paper thin rubber tires covering enormous, 20 inch wheels now known colloquially as "dubs."
• An overall bodylength as long as Chile.
• It must weigh at least 4000 lbs and have a suspension that feels like Jello.
• It must be able to carry at least 12 people but be owned by someone who lives alone.
• It must be less fuel efficient than NASA's current shuttle technology.
• It can only go in a straight line at 200 mph. Anything else would be too complicated.
• Must compensate for your penis, the bigger the car the more your penis is inverted into a mangina

List of Americunt cars that look or perform like shit:

• Ford Mustang - srsly? How can you have the audacity to have a trim level called "GT" when nothing you guys build weighs less than 3500 lbs and runs on dead fetuses?

• Dodge Viper - You needed an 8 liter V10 engine to lose the Le Mans? Fail.

• Chevrolet Corvette - Leaf springs suck.

• Ford GT - The Ford GT40 was designed in England, and you took the credit when you won the Le Mans from 1964 to 1969, and this car goes to show you can't even build sometime non-shit based on that car. Again, fail.